Tact & Tactlessness while Grieving

I was reading this post from the hairpin and it got me thinking about the losses I have been through this year.  I lost not one but both of my Grandmothers in the span of two months. I haven't lost many people that were close to me in my life so the grieving process is fairly new to me. Part of grieving is how other people treat you, give you sympathy, or care for you when you can't. My process had been relatively smooth and I owe it to a few people that really stepped in and made things comfortable for me.

• Matt who cooked for me and made me see the importance of taking time off work to be with family.  When I couldn't get off the couch he didn't make me feel like a lazy shit-bum; instead he never let my glass of ginger ale go empty.  He let me whine and cry and get angry at him though nothing was his fault.  And he was there at my Grandma Evie's memorial holding my hand.  
• Natasha who met me in NH to come to my Grandma Evie's memorial and drove us home. She made me feel OK about dancing at the Superfrog show even though I was still mourning.  
• Heather who sent sympathy cards to both of my parents for losing their mothers.  She came to New York and declared that my Grandma Dotty's wake was the happiest she had ever been to.  (It's true, we played polka and laughed more than cried.)  

My best friends and my boyfriend showed the true way of sympathizing with a grieving person and family.  They acted selflessly and without pause.  This leads me to a person who did not act the right way. 

When I told people at work about having to take time off for bereavement, most were supportive, if only sending a short email with kind words.  My boss (ex-boss as of last Friday) said nothing, absolutely nothing to me about my loss.  Not even "I'm sorry for your loss."  When I told him about taking the time off he was more concerned about finding coverage for my shifts.  He even had the gall to make a joke about how many people die in the winter during one of our staff meetings.  To my face, the day after my Grandma Evie passed away.  My second Grandmother passed away in early March.  It happened to be around the same time that I announced my resignation and had just taken a week long vacation.  So perhaps, this time, when I announced to my boss that I had to take a couple more days off for the funeral, he thought I was milking the days I could take off.  STILL.  That is no excuse for his total lack of sympathy.  We don't work for McDonald's, we are part of a human services organization and we use our emotional intelligence every day to deal with clients.  My boss's tactlessness was not the reason for me resigning, but it did seal the deal for me.  

I guess I can be grateful that I did have my dear friends and family to help to cope and grieve with.  I also can be grateful that the offending boss is no longer really my boss.